Monday, April 14, 2008

Job stress

Lately, I've spent a lot of time dreading, hating and complaining about my job. It really does suck. My boss is a witch. A complete and utter witch. She's so self-centered, selfish and calculating, you wouldn't believe it. Everyone knows it, and we all speak about it in private, but no one will come out and do anything about it because she's the big cheese in our office. It doesn't get all that much higher up than her.

I've been patient at work. Unbelievably patient. And I've waited 9 months (ironic, eh?) for a promotion that I kept being promised was "right around the corner". Well, it finally IS right around the corner. HR is just completing my paperwork and, within a matter of mere weeks (Seriously. Fucking HR), they should be done said paperwork and I should be in my new position. It's a position that the old me would've wanted really badly. It's exciting (read: stressful), really relevant (read: I watch the world news in the morning and can tell how crazy my day is going to be), and it looks great on a resume.

So, what's the problem now, right?

Well, when I first showed interest in the job, the team I was hoping to work with had about 10 people. Some were good and some were average. A few were...amazing. Well, that bitch boss I just told you about, has slowly but surely decimated the group. She has, either directly or indirectly, caused seven of the team members to quit or transfer to other positions. So, now that I'm just about to join the team, it's completely fallen apart. I'll have to take on double my fair share of files (making the job very stressful) and all remaining team members are entirely demoralized and seeking transfer opportunities that begin ASAP. What am I getting myself into here? I feel annoyed, because I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for this job forever. And now I'm really not all that excited about it.

I think I've learned one of those hard, adult lessons pretty young in life. Six months ago, I never would've thought this, but now I just think to myself, "all I want is a family, good health, and a good, respectable job that doesn't cause me too much stress". This TTC stuff has taken a toll on me and I can finally understand why my net friend at decided to quit her job after she had so much trouble conceiving.

The truth is that, if you're miserable in your personal life, then it's very tough to handle a job that's getting you down as well. I feel a deep desire to experience some happiness during my day (call me crazy, I know). That's probably why I'm just so darned in love with my husband. He makes me so so happy. There's no negativity with him. It's all good. I would be utterly lost without him. He gives me the strength to get up and face the day, in spite of all this TTC/hypothyroidism mess and my job stress. I love him. **sigh**

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