Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Still pregnant! Very very pregnant!!

YES! Well everyone, I got my beta hcg results back last night, and it
turns out that, not only am I still pregnant, but that my numbers are
rising ever so quickly.

On Friday they measured 750, and Monday morning's results were nearly
3000!!! My husband's cousin, who is a fertility specialist, gave me the
results and said "You need to think about the possibility of more than
one baby in there". Yay!...I mean, I honestly think that there's only
one in there (and, I'll say right now that I honestly think it's a boy),
but it's fun to think that it's even a possibility!

Nausea returned this morning. It was a weird famished/pukey feeling. I
felt sick because I was so hungry...but felt so sick that I didn't want
to eat. Anyway, it quickly passed. Morning sickness hasn't been too bad
yet. I'm anticipating some more in about a week or two.

I've scheduled my first ultrasoun for July 22nd. I'll be exactly 7 weeks
along. And based on my beta results, I'm expecting that I might even be
able to see a nice, strong heartbeat. Maybe I can hear it too!!

I've also scheduled my first major prenatal appointment with my GP. It's
going to take place on July 30th. She's already requisitioned TONS of
bloodwork for me, which I'll get done in about two weeks, and she
started me on a new thyroid medication and dose. As soon as I got
pregnant, my thyroid went bananas!! (which explains the hot flashes I've
been having all day!)

Anyway, I'm just so grateful that everything seems ok. I love being
pregnant. I wish I felt more pregnant....even if that means feeling
sick. I walk around the mall at my lunch hour and I have this extra skip
in my step. I'm SO happy to be pregnant. I can't wait to see our little
peanut at our first scan. I'll definitely post pictures!!!

Friday, July 4, 2008

Stupid Stupid Doctor

Y'all know what I think of most doctors, right? I mean, not all doctors, but most of them. I think they are highly incompetent monkeys who've just memorized medical textbooks and apply their "knowledge" without really taking your personal situation into account.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I had the unfortunate need to see a doctor yesterday. I woke up in the morning and freaked out because I had lost all my pregnancy symptoms overnight. I was certain that something was wrong. In fact, I flat out cried to my husband "I'm not pregnant anymore. I think it's over". That's how certain I felt. It's a woman's intuition thing I guess.
Anyway, after much frantic decision-making, I decided that I had to be straight with my boss and tell him exactly what was going on so that he's know why I needed to just take some time off work. I told him and, as expected, he was quite supportive. He told me to go to a walk-in clinic immediately.
I got to the walk-in clinic. Their website claimed that the current wait-time at the clinic was 40 minutes. After two hours of waiting (in a seat next two a homeless guy and some other guy with Tourrette's who kept yelling "VAGINAL"), I finally got called in by the nurse. The nurse asked me about what happened, I explained everything to her clearly. I explained that my symptoms (nausea, breast tenderness, fatigue, and general 'pregnant feeling') had suddenly completely disappeared. I told her that I really didn't feel pregnant anymore. She then asked me for a urine sample.
Ten minutes after the nurse dipped the urine sample, the idiot doctor walked in and said "Good news! There's a second line, so you're definitely not having a miscarriage". I was stunned. How could a medical professional be so fucking stupid? Didn't he know anything?? Didn't he know that, even if a miscarriage had occured, the test would be positive for days still...maybe even a week or longer. Shortly before my appointment, my husband's cousin, who is a fertility specialist, told me to ask the doctor to check my progesterone levels as well. When I asked him to include it on the requisition for blood work that he was going to write up for me, he said...I swear this is what he said "I don't know how to interpret progesterone results, so there's no point in including them".  AHHHH
Then after that, he asked me why I was so nervous. I explained to him, yet again, how all my symptoms had suddenly disappeared. His response was this "Well...if you just got a positive pregnancy test on Sunday, Dear, you can't expect to feel your baby kicking already!!"
I was stunned and horrified. Was this a joke? This man was actually supposed to be trusted with my health and well-being?
I finally got him to give me a requisition for hcg test and progesterone test. I insisted that he copy my husband's cousin on the results, that way she could tell me what they were, rather than the shit-for-brains asshole from the clinic. His name is Dr. "McM**on" (I'll leave a couple letters out for liability purposes....stupid ass) and he works at the Appletree medical clinic on Slater St. in downtown Ottawa.
This morning I went to take the blood test. I'm supposed to have the test repeated on Monday morning. I'm seeing my doctor on Monday afternoon, so I'm hoping to know something by then. More likely, though, I won't know anything until Tuesday....unless I start bleeding, at which point I won't need lab results to confirm anything.
As for my emotional status, I'm pretty crushed, as you can imagine. I actually am handling it way better than I would've expected, though. I think that I've read SO SO SO many hundreds of stories of women who've had miscarriages and then gone on to have healthy pregnancies later, has made me realize that it's almost required. I know that's so stupid to say, but I'm just convinced now that it's very common and even normal for a first time pregnancy. It doesn't make it much easier, but I'm trying to kid myself into not breaking down.
I also recognize that, as with TTC, the show's not over 'til the fat lady sings. Until I have blood or lab work confirmation to confirm what I 99% believe to be true, then it's not over. I still treat my body as if it's holding my precious baby.
And here's the bright side. I found out I was pregnant exactly four days after getting my first normal thyroid blood test results. I totally know that it could've been a fluke. After so many months of trying to conceive, maybe it was just my time and had nothing to do with my thyroid. But, more likely, as soon as my thyroid was balanced, I was able to get pregnant...and I did. I managed to conceive, get a positive pregnancy test and hold this pregnancy at least for a few days. I think I can do it again. I hope so.
I don't know what to do right now. I guess there's nothing to do but wait. So I'll wait.

Expecting the worst

I think I might be miscarrying.

If the laws of woman's intuition apply to pregnancy, then...I think definitely.

A few days ago I had every symptom in the book: Sore breasts, morning sickness, fatigue, heavy feeling in my uterus, and a general sense that "I'm pregnant". My husband and I were out for a stroll when I felt a mild cramp. Within 15 minutes, I commented on how my symptoms had completely disappered....and pretty suddenly too. By the next morning, I woke up feeling nothing. Nothing at all. No nausea, no sore breasts. I felt like I did when I was TTC. No pregnant feeling whatsoever.

This led me to freak out...and then have to engage Canada's fucking mess of a medical system. i'll write more about this fucking ordeal later.

Anyway, this morning I woke up again feeling nothing other than some mild menstrual-like cramps. I'm going for an hcg test this morning....and another on Monday. I'm expecting to know what's going on by Mondayl. Fuck...I thought once i was pregnant, all this awful waiting would be over. Apparently not.

Pray for me!

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Never thought I'd write this post.

I got it this morning. My BFP. I'm pregnant.

I can't even believe I'm typing it. But I am. I am pregnant. Two lines. Two gorgeous lines. On two different tests. And they're mine.

I'm a mixture of excitement, numbness...and disbelief. I definitely don't think that the reality has sunk in yet.

I'm thrilled, don't get me wrong. More thrilled than you can imagine.

I'm....pregnant. Expecting. With child. Knocked up.

Holy moly. I'm pregnant.

Sunday, June 22, 2008


This morning I'm feeling pessimistic. I don't know...I definitely was feeling stuff the first few days post-ovulation, but now it seems to have subsided. I wake up in the mornings with gross white heads scattered across my face, but that's probably because I've been lazy about my skin cleansing regimen recently.
Sigh...as usual...I'll just have to wait and see. I hate waiting.

Friday, June 20, 2008

UPDATE: I'm totally setting myself up for disaster by doing this....

Add to that...lack of appetite.
I'm optimistic because this is how I felt the first month we TTC....but then it ended badly.
*chin up*....right?

I'm totally setting myself up for disaster by doing this....

1 DPO - neausea, uterus twinges

So freaked to even be saying this

....but I'm cautiously optimistic this month. The only reasons are as follows:
1) It was my HSG month and the doctor said that there's an increased chance of conceiving this month,
2) Normally I feel absolutely nothing after ovulation, but I've been feeling some poking, tingling and throbbing in my ovarian/uterus area for the past two days.
It's not much to go on...but it's something a little different. But again, just for the record, I'm CAUTIOUSLY optimistic. I'm mentally preparing myself to not be pregnant and have to move onto next month....when I'll be making good use of those Instead Cups after BDing. Oh...and also...I noticed a tiny bit of tingle in my boobs last night.
I'm either one or two days past ovulation today.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

I lost my mind this morning. I fell into a fit of rage and crying and throwing things and banging walls and wanting to kill myself.I'm exhausted. I'm mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. I'm tired of platitudes, I'm tired of having hope and then losing it. I'm tired of waiting. Weeks and weeks of waiting. Months and months. I'm exhausted. I want it to stop.

We timed everything so perfectly this month. In fact, I stupidly allowed myself to get hopeful because everything just went so fucking perfectly this month. I caught a fade-in pattern on my OPK and we were disciplined and we waited until I had a strong positive on my OPK (testing 3x per day), and we tried two nights ago, even though I was as dry as a desert.

And then last night, which was really the night to try (I'm 100% sure I ovulated right before we tried), last night we tried again. This was supposed to be it for us. I had HOPE this month. We tried and, for whatever fucking reason, EVERYTHING came gushing out as soon as my husband pulled out. And he pulled out immediately after finishing. I know that everyone is thinking that it's normal for stuff to spill out. I know that too.


And y'know what else? Yesterday I bought the 'instead' cups. I thought I'd try and put one in after sex and leave it there all night. DH actually made fun of me and told me I was losing my mind for wanting to use it. So, embarassed, I didn't use it after sex. I could've scooped everything up and shoved it back in with a cup. But instead I just wiped it away with a towel. There was nothing left in me.

And you know what else fucking sucks? This was my HSG month. If there was ever a fucking month to get it fucking right, it was now. You're supposed to be extra fertile this month. This is the month not to fuck up. What is wrong with us? What have I done to deserve this? How could we let this happen? Everything came out. ALL of it. There was so much.

This rage this morning....that was all hope leaving me. We're religious people and I'm just ready to give it all up. I'm furious with God. FURIOUS. What the fuck am I building a solid home for? Why am I living my life this way? I always did it so that my children could be raised in a strong home. What children? What's the point now? I want to give it all up. I'm so enranged. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to tell God to fuck off. Yeah? You really think it's better to have some 15 year old pregnant than me, God? Really? Well then maybe I should just stop living my life this way. Obviously it means nothing to you that I try to be good. Obviously you're punishing me for something. So then, y'know what? I might as well have something to be punished for. Fuck you.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

HSG: What a bunch of hype!

Well, that wasn't bad at all.
On Friday morning I went to my RE's office to have the dreaded HSG test (this is the one where they slide a catheter through your cervix and into your uterus and then blow up a ballon and push fluid or bubbles through your tubes to check that they're clear). Anyway, I hadn't mentioned that I was having the test because I was trying not to think about it. I knew that if I read about it online I would probably have LOTS of anxiety about it, so I decided not to read at all. I remembered hearing about how many women say that the test is very painful. I didn't need the gory details, y'know?
Anyway, I arrived at the office at around 8:50 and was quickly ushered into the ultrasound room. My husband was allowed in with me. Excellent. The ultrasound tech (who was VERY nice....just like the last one I had) asked me to take off my pants and underwear and cover myself with a sheet. Everyone there is SO considerate of making sure you're not exposed unnecessarily. It's very nice of them.
Then Dr. C came in a began the procedure. He explained that he would be doing the following:
a) Inserting a speculum, just like a pap test, and then examining me a little,
b) Disinfectin my cervix and internal vagina with an iodine solution,
c) Inserting a catheter through my cervix and into my uterus, and then inserting the transvaginal ultrasound wand,
d) Blowing up a balloon inside my uterus in order to see things better, and then putting some saline solution inside too,
e) forcing some air bubbles through my fallopian tubes in order to see if they're clear or blocked.
By far the worst part of the procedure was the insertion of the speculum and the 'washing' of my cervix. The speculum and washing felt just like a pap which, for some odd reason, is always painful for me. But...here's the weird part. The rest of the procedure didn't hurt! I thought that the insertion of the catheter would be really painful, but I totally didn't feel a thing. Nothing.
Once the catheter was inserted I began experiencing some menstrual-like cramps. They felt like the types of cramps I get when I have BAD BAD cramps...but they were far far less intense. Really nothing to get upset about. It was fine.
When the doctor forced bubbles into my tubes it felt SO weird...it felt like....well...like bubbles being forced through my tubes! No pain, just an odd sensation. Again, nothing to get upset about. The best part??.....Hearing that everything was clear :)
The doctor quickly confirmed that everything looked good and that my tubes were wide open. Then he removed the ultrasound wand and told me that, for couples where the woman's tubes are normal, there is a marked increase in fertility for cycles after the HSG procedure. Sweet!
So...that was it. They gave me a pad and told me that I might have some 'leaking' and some 'spotting'. I had neither. I felt fine. I EASILY could've gone back to work right after, but I had already taken the day off (thinking I'd be in lots of pain), so I decided to play hookie.
After the procedure I told my husband that I really wanted to write about it on my blog. I told him that it was important for me to tell my story and let women know that this procedure is not painful for everyone, in spite of what you might read online. The HSG was not painful.
Wish me luck for this cycle!!

Friday, June 6, 2008


Hello everyone (ie. the three people who read my blog)
So…here's an update. And I'm warning you….sorry, I'm going to say some yucky stuff.

AF arrived when I thought it would (CD 27…which means I had a 26 day cycle this month….hmmmm).
Of course, it's not enough that AF arrived, she had to bring her thug cousins with her…cramps and nausea.

Anyway, so I called the fertility clinic to register my day one, and they booked my CD3 bloodwork and my baseline ultrasound and transvaginal ultrasounds (all of which would be performed on the same day……today.

So, this morning I drank the requisite 66 glasses of water (on an empty stomach) and then waited to leave the house and drive to the clinic. Uh oh. Something's not right. I feel very ill. I feel like I have explode…from all bodily orifices. I had thai food last night and it ain't sitting so well. And the fact that I have 2 litres of water in my bladder, crushing against my stomach and intestines isn't helping either. I had to figure out how to have a total #2 attack in the bathroom without emptying my bladder. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT? Do you have any idea how hard it is to have a stomach explosion (of thai food) and NOT pee? Well, I managed it. Anyway, we jumped in the car to drive to the clinic. I was white knuckle gripping the car door the entire ride, so as not to poo in my pants because, as if going to the bathroom twice in one morning wasn't enough…I had to go again. And my bladder was so full I thought I would die.

Anyway, I got to the clinic and told the technician that I was REALLY not feeling well and that I had to empty my bladder immediately or I would throw up. I think that she could tell (based on how pale white I was…and the fact that I was sweating) that I was to be taken seriously. She said "no problem…go to the bathroom and do what you have to do. Try not to completely empty your bladder. But if you do, don't worry, we'll deal with it". With that, I ran to the bathroom, emptied my bladder a bit, had another explosion, and then forced myself to not empty my bladder anymore and go for the ultrasound". I told the technician, who was an absolute doll, that I thought I had managed to keep a bit of pee in my bladder.

The moment she put the ultrasound device on my stomach, she said "Wow…whoa!...you have a VERY VERY full bladder! And you said you even emptied some??" I told her that I have this problem every time I have an ultrasound. They tell you to drink a litre of water one hour prior, but I think that I should drink about half that much. She admitted that, for most people, drinking 2-3 cups is definitely enough to fill their bladder.

She tried to do the ultrasound as quickly as she could - took about 2 minutes - and then she said excitedly "Ok…go to the bathroom!". Ahhh….I felt so much better after that. Next came the internal ultrasound. Given that this is CD2 for me…you can just imagine how worried I was about grossly messing up the table, the equipment, etc. I have to be honest…not half as bad as I thought. I quickly disrobed, she put a cover on me and then started the examination. Everything looked fine (according to my untrained eye). My uterus looked empty (which is good because I didn't want to see any large masses inside of it or something), my ovaries were there (phew) and had these big black dots all over them. I was scared that these were cysts, but she assured me that they were just follicles and that they were supposed to be there!

Then, she removed the 'device', rubbed my knees and said "ok…are you ok? You're done". And that was it? I left the room, got dressed, had another 6 viles of blood drawn, and then headed to work with DH, who was sweet enough to accompany me for moral support.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Another month gone by

I know that, technically, the show's not over 'til the fat lady sings, but I'm pretty sure that AF is just around the corner. I think I'm up to 4 BFNs now....and with some good quality tests...not just the $0.05 tests.

I feel like I'm going to crack. I know I shouldn't feel this way. I know that I should have hope. I look at women who have been trying for years without success and I marvel at how they've maintained their sanity. I have no doubt that they, like me, cry all the time. But just the fact that they're still there, on the message boards, crossing their fingers and sending 'baby dust' every month, just blows me away. I'm in awe.

I had a lot of hope this month....even though I outwardly said, from CD15, that I wasn't going to get pregnant this month. I felt ovulation so much...from both sides!...And I really thought I could be that girl who got pregnant as soon as her thyroid was regulated. I thought I could be that girl who, after a valiant struggle to have get pregnant, had her baby on Valentine's Day (the day I would've been due, if it had worked this month).

Mostly, I'm just tired of living my life feeling like I'm about to crack and have a breakdown. I've been putting off speaking with a councillor, but mostly because the one I want only sees patients from, like, noon 'til 2pm every day (oh...and on Saturday mornings)....a fat lotta good that does me. Between blood tests and doctors appointments, I'm already missing so much work that my once understanding boss has started raising his eyebrow every time I announce that I'm going to just be a bit late to work (or a bit late getting back from lunch.....or leaving work early for the day) because of a doctor's appointment. When I do return to work, I make sure to display my bandaid and cotton ball in the crease of my arm, in the hopes that he'll believe me, instead of thinking that I'm just playing hookie. Anyway, the point is that I cannot afford to take any more time off work. When these councillors open their practices, don't they think to themselves "Gee....maybe having appointments outside of business hours would be good for patients?"

Anyway, my husband is getting on my case about this. He thinks that seeing a councillor should be priority number one....work be damned. Of course he's right, but it's just not that easy. I'm going to keep looking around and seeing if I can find someone downtown who I could see over lunch. It's long over due. I spent the better part of the weekend (and almost the whole of both saturday and sunday nights) sobbing. This morning isn't going much better.

Most of it is probably due to the fact that I know about 4 people who are THIS close to giving birth (complete with hourly updates on their situations on facebook). I'm so jealous.

More to come later...for now i have to run to work.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Sorry it's been so long. I don't have good news or bad. Just...the same.
As some of you may know, this was my first cycle with a normal range TSH. I ovulated early...and I had TONS of very painful ovulation pain. Both ovaries felt raw and bruised for two days solid (and this was the same time as I had tons and tons of EWCM). Hubby and I did our best with what time we had. We 'tried', a couple days before ovulation, both days of positive ovulation tests, and then one or two days after that.
I was quite hopeful for a few days this cycle. I really thought that the painful ovulation was sign that, now that my thyroid has been regulated, I was finally ovulating for the first time in a while. I thought that I might even have some weird ovulation where I ovulate from both ovaries and...end up with twins! Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?
Anyway, I haven't felt very much since ovulation. Only a few notable things. I am now on 8dpo and for the past two days, I've had lots of gas and bloating. I've had some very very very minor and mild twinges and cramps the last couple days, and I've noticed that my boobs are totally not sore. Now, normally the boob thing would get me excited, but the truth is that I've looked at my charts for the past few months, and my boobs usually get sore around CD 22 (which will be around two days from now).
Oh...and update...as I was writing this my mother called. She asked me about 'things', and I mentioned in passing that I probably wouldn't be pregnant this month. She gave this totally condescending chuckle and said "oh...I don't know if you know this but you can't tell for the first month or longer. You won't feel anything". Yeah...that's right....except that first month, when I had a miscarriage, I felt everything. I knew...I knew from the day after we conceived. I just knew. And I felt it. Not subtly either...Very obviously.
Look, I'm not denying that I still have a chance at being pregnant this month. I know I do. If I didn't think so, then I wouldn't keep testing. But I just feel that, when I actually do end up getting pregnant, it'll feel like it did the first time. I'll feel tired, I'll feel heaviness in my uterus, I'll "just know"....and I'll dream about it, just like I did that first month.
I'm having a hard time dealing with my mother. She's just so full of platitudes and old wives advice. I cannot mask my disappointment when we speak. I get annoyed. I wish I didn't, but there's no one Ispeak to who is worse at making me feel better. I don't know why. I guess it's that everyone else can accept that I get down. They understand and don't get upset when I'm not cheerful. But my mom just seems to get annoyed when I display anything but cheerfulness, hope and complete faith in God that this is really really good for me. It's NOT.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Ok...well, that's done,

So, DH and I had our appointment today and I still can't decide how I feel about it.

First off, the doctor: Dr. C is obviously an expert in his field. He peppers his speech with references to recent and old medical studies, and doesn't hesitate for a second as he's offering his advice.

I should note that DH and I know Dr. C on a personal level, so he may have treated us differently than he normally treats his patients. I don't know. It's possible. For one thing, he didn't yell at me for being fat. It was absolutely brutal when he asked me for my height and weight in front of my husband. I'm surprised DH's jaw didn't drop, because every time he has guessed my weight in the passed, he's underestimated by at least 30 pounds. Today must've been quite a gross shock for him.

Anyway, back to Dr. C. He just looked at me and said "Ok..you know that this can contribute to your infertility. I've seen you power walking in our neighbourhood, but you need to do more". That was about it. He wasn't so bad about it.

Now, as for what he said about us, he suggested a few things:
1) He said that it's totally possible that we're just one of those perfectly healthy, normal couples who, for some reason, take a heck of a long time to get pregnant. He said "you might just be on that part of bell curve where it takes a healthy couple a year or more to get pregantn".

2) It could be a problem with DH's sperm. DH had a sperm test and, with the exception of a couple of borderline numbers, almost everything came out normal. Dr. C said that, to him, the test looked "just fine. Normal".

3) Or it could be an ovulation problem. He said that since I have such regular menstrual periods, he doesn't think that I have an ovulation problem. Instead, he assumes that our fertility issues have been caused by my thyroid which, probably, just squewed my hormones every so slightly....but enough to cause a lack of conception.

He recommended a couple of tests for me: 1) a baseline ultrasound (trans-vaginal), which will check for ovarian cysts and uterine lining issues, and 2) a special test to check my fallopian tubes and make sure they're clear. I've heard that this second test is excruciatingly painful. I told him that I'd rather hold off for a couple months before booking that.

If we don't get pregnant this month, I'll have a whole WHACK of tests to do next month: blood tests, ultrasounds, etc.

Hubby also mentioned my extreme depression/anxiety, and Dr. C recommended that I see the councillor in his clinic. I'm definitely going to book that appointment tomorrow.

Anyway, here's some more important information:
When Dr. C examined me (basically he did a pap), he took a one second look at my privates and said "Whoa...you're about to ovulate! Keep your husband nearby!". I said "uhhh...how do you know that?" and he said "You have tons of healthy cervical mucus here". I also mentioned that I had been having some serious ovary soreness. He didn't have anything to say about that. But it seemed, given the ovary pains, and the EWCM, that I must be close to ovulating (even though I'm only on CD11).

Later today, I took an OPK test, and it came back positive. How can this be?? I don't understand how I can be ovulating so early? I'm scared that we're, once again, front-loading our sex efforts. We have a bad track record of having tons of sex early in my fertile phase, and then not having the stamina to continue through my ovulation time.

Anyway, DH and I will be BDing tonight and tomorrow and, hopefully, I'll get pregnant. Nothing more to say than that.
UPDATE: Oh... I forgot to mention the funny part of the appointment. DH accompanied me to the examination room after our consult with Dr. C in his office. When Dr. C walked in, DH said "Ok...I think maybe I should wait outside". Dr. C said, "Well, I actually need you here because I want to examine you too". (Keep in mind, we're personal friends/acquaintances with Dr. C). Dr. C then looked at DH and said "I'll need to check your family jewels. Could you please drop your pants so I can squeeze your testicles?"
I thought poor hubby would die of embarassment. He was so nervous that he just started speaking at a hundred miles an hour, saying 'oh...sure, here you go' (as he casually whipped out his schlong). I almost busted up laughing.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Sorry for the absence!

I know, I know...I'm lucky if any of you are still reading because I've completely neglected my blog. I do have some good reasons, though...

1) My family (parents, grandmother and great-aunt) came to visit us for the long weekend. I know that you're probably thinking it was a total drag, but they're actually a lot of fun and we had a terrific time with them!

2)I've been trying to think about how to tell you all that my thyroid seems to be...perfect! I am so proud of myself. I know, I know, all I did was take a pill every day, but consider the following: First off, it takes most people who have only slightly hypothyroids, nearly 6 months to a year to fix them. I was so firm with my doctor and so aggressive with my treatment, that I manged to get my TSH from >100 to a normal range in 7 weeks. Also, I've been meticulous in taking my medication, which isn't easy because it involves not eating for 2 hours after I've taken the pill (first thing in the morning), and not having any dairy for at least 4 hours after taking it. I've really had to adjust my life a little to accommodate these rules.

Anyway, today marks our first really TTC attempt in slightly over 2 months. I'm thrilled and nervous to be back in the game. I've read so many exciting success stories about people who, after finding out they were hypothyroid, have fallen pregnant as SOON as they got their TSH into the normal range. While I want to keep a realistic outlook, I have to admit that I have a little twinge of hope that I'll be one of those cases. Of course, falling pregnant immediately would bring about some concern about miscarriage due to a fluctuating TSH. Anyway, I'm really trying to not hope too hard about falling pregnant right away, but I'm still trying to keep a really positive outlook.

I'm nervous, because I know that, as we re-start TTC again, I'm possibly setting myself up for the pain and heartache that I experienced in all the previous months while TTC. There wasn't so much sadness this month when I got my period because we weren't really trying. But now, we are trying again, and I've got real hope that's available to to be shattered in about 2 weeks from now.

Wish me luck!!