tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89549484009393938112024-03-13T14:51:45.665-04:00The Impatient PatientA blog about trying to conceive our first child, dealing with severe hypothyroidism, the unbearable inanity of Ontario's healthcare system and, worst of all, the waiting that never seems to end.The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-36000470901407552192008-07-08T14:00:00.000-04:002008-07-08T14:01:05.342-04:00Still pregnant! Very very pregnant!!YES! Well everyone, I got my beta hcg results back last night, and it<br>turns out that, not only am I still pregnant, but that my numbers are<br>rising ever so quickly. <p>On Friday they measured 750, and Monday morning's results were nearly<br>3000!!! My husband's cousin, who is a fertility specialist, gave me the<br>results and said "You need to think about the possibility of more than<br>one baby in there". Yay!...I mean, I honestly think that there's only<br>one in there (and, I'll say right now that I honestly think it's a boy),<br>but it's fun to think that it's even a possibility!<p>Nausea returned this morning. It was a weird famished/pukey feeling. I<br>felt sick because I was so hungry...but felt so sick that I didn't want<br>to eat. Anyway, it quickly passed. Morning sickness hasn't been too bad<br>yet. I'm anticipating some more in about a week or two.<p>I've scheduled my first ultrasoun for July 22nd. I'll be exactly 7 weeks<br>along. And based on my beta results, I'm expecting that I might even be<br>able to see a nice, strong heartbeat. Maybe I can hear it too!!<p>I've also scheduled my first major prenatal appointment with my GP. It's<br>going to take place on July 30th. She's already requisitioned TONS of<br>bloodwork for me, which I'll get done in about two weeks, and she<br>started me on a new thyroid medication and dose. As soon as I got<br>pregnant, my thyroid went bananas!! (which explains the hot flashes I've<br>been having all day!)<p>Anyway, I'm just so grateful that everything seems ok. I love being<br>pregnant. I wish I felt more pregnant....even if that means feeling<br>sick. I walk around the mall at my lunch hour and I have this extra skip<br>in my step. I'm SO happy to be pregnant. I can't wait to see our little<br>peanut at our first scan. I'll definitely post pictures!!!The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-19053196412045182382008-07-04T11:55:00.001-04:002008-07-04T11:55:52.016-04:00Stupid Stupid Doctor<DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen>Y'all know what I think of most doctors, right? I mean, not all doctors, but most of them. I think they are highly incompetent monkeys who've just memorized medical textbooks and apply their "knowledge" without really taking your personal situation into account.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen>As I mentioned in my previous post, I had the unfortunate need to see a doctor yesterday. I woke up in the morning and freaked out because I had lost all my pregnancy symptoms overnight. I was certain that something was wrong. In fact, I flat out cried to my husband "I'm not pregnant anymore. I think it's over". That's how certain I felt. It's a woman's intuition thing I guess.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen>Anyway, after much frantic decision-making, I decided that I had to be straight with my boss and tell him exactly what was going on so that he's know why I needed to just take some time off work. I told him and, as expected, he was quite supportive. He told me to go to a walk-in clinic immediately.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen>I got to the walk-in clinic. Their website claimed that the current wait-time at the clinic was 40 minutes. After two hours of waiting (in a seat next two a homeless guy and some other guy with Tourrette's who kept yelling "VAGINAL"), I finally got called in by the nurse. The nurse asked me about what happened, I explained everything to her clearly. I explained that my symptoms (nausea, breast tenderness, fatigue, and general 'pregnant feeling') had suddenly completely disappeared. I told her that I really didn't feel pregnant anymore. She then asked me for a urine sample.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen>Ten minutes after the nurse dipped the urine sample, the idiot doctor walked in and said "Good news! There's a second line, so you're definitely not having a miscarriage". I was stunned. How could a medical professional be so fucking stupid? Didn't he know anything?? Didn't he know that, even if a miscarriage had occured, the test would be positive for days still...maybe even a week or longer. Shortly before my appointment, my husband's cousin, who is a fertility specialist, told me to ask the doctor to check my progesterone levels as well. When I asked him to include it on the requisition for blood work that he was going to write up for me, he said...I swear this is what he said "I don't know how to interpret progesterone results, so there's no point in including them". AHHHH</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen>Then after that, he asked me why I was so nervous. I explained to him, yet again, how all my symptoms had suddenly disappeared. His response was this "Well...if you just got a positive pregnancy test on Sunday, Dear, you can't expect to feel your baby kicking already!!"</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen>I was stunned and horrified. Was this a joke? This man was actually supposed to be trusted with my health and well-being?</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen>I finally got him to give me a requisition for hcg test and progesterone test. I insisted that he copy my husband's cousin on the results, that way she could tell me what they were, rather than the shit-for-brains asshole from the clinic. His name is Dr. "McM**on" (I'll leave a couple letters out for liability purposes....stupid ass) and he works at the Appletree medical clinic on Slater St. in downtown Ottawa.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen>This morning I went to take the blood test. I'm supposed to have the test repeated on Monday morning. I'm seeing my doctor on Monday afternoon, so I'm hoping to know something by then. More likely, though, I won't know anything until Tuesday....unless I start bleeding, at which point I won't need lab results to confirm anything.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen>As for my emotional status, I'm pretty crushed, as you can imagine. I actually am handling it way better than I would've expected, though. I think that I've read SO SO SO many hundreds of stories of women who've had miscarriages and then gone on to have healthy pregnancies later, has made me realize that it's almost required. I know that's so stupid to say, but I'm just convinced now that it's very common and even normal for a first time pregnancy. It doesn't make it much easier, but I'm trying to kid myself into not breaking down.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen>I also recognize that, as with TTC, the show's not over 'til the fat lady sings. Until I have blood or lab work confirmation to confirm what I 99% believe to be true, then it's not over. I still treat my body as if it's holding my precious baby.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen>And here's the bright side. I found out I was pregnant exactly four days after getting my first normal thyroid blood test results. I totally know that it could've been a fluke. After so many months of trying to conceive, maybe it was just my time and had nothing to do with my thyroid. But, more likely, as soon as my thyroid was balanced, I was able to get pregnant...and I did. I managed to conceive, get a positive pregnancy test and hold this pregnancy at least for a few days. I think I can do it again. I hope so.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen>I don't know what to do right now. I guess there's nothing to do but wait. So I'll wait.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796323815-04072008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV>The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-85384190608466852162008-07-04T07:05:00.002-04:002008-07-04T07:09:09.175-04:00Expecting the worstI think I might be miscarrying.<br /><br />If the laws of woman's intuition apply to pregnancy, then...I think definitely.<br /><br />A few days ago I had every symptom in the book: Sore breasts, morning sickness, fatigue, heavy feeling in my uterus, and a general sense that "I'm pregnant". My husband and I were out for a stroll when I felt a mild cramp. Within 15 minutes, I commented on how my symptoms had completely disappered....and pretty suddenly too. By the next morning, I woke up feeling nothing. Nothing at all. No nausea, no sore breasts. I felt like I did when I was TTC. No pregnant feeling whatsoever.<br /><br />This led me to freak out...and then have to engage Canada's fucking mess of a medical system. i'll write more about this fucking ordeal later.<br /><br />Anyway, this morning I woke up again feeling nothing other than some mild menstrual-like cramps. I'm going for an hcg test this morning....and another on Monday. I'm expecting to know what's going on by Mondayl. Fuck...I thought once i was pregnant, all this awful waiting would be over. Apparently not.<br /><br />Pray for me!The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-80712987198487285922008-06-29T14:34:00.001-04:002008-06-29T14:37:10.807-04:00Never thought I'd write this post.I got it this morning. My BFP. I'm pregnant.<br /><br />I can't even believe I'm typing it. But I am. I am pregnant. Two lines. Two gorgeous lines. On two different tests. And they're mine.<br /><br />I'm a mixture of excitement, numbness...and disbelief. I definitely don't think that the reality has sunk in yet.<br /><br />I'm thrilled, don't get me wrong. More thrilled than you can imagine.<br /><br />I'm....pregnant. Expecting. With child. Knocked up.<br /><br />Holy moly. I'm pregnant.The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-75622698848940418172008-06-22T09:37:00.001-04:002008-06-22T09:39:21.328-04:00PessimisticThis morning I'm feeling pessimistic. I don't know...I definitely was feeling stuff the first few days post-ovulation, but now it seems to have subsided. I wake up in the mornings with gross white heads scattered across my face, but that's probably because I've been lazy about my skin cleansing regimen recently.<br />Sigh...as usual...I'll just have to wait and see. I hate waiting.The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-33715160910520398602008-06-20T14:10:00.000-04:002008-06-20T14:11:07.303-04:00UPDATE: I'm totally setting myself up for disaster by doing this....<DIV><SPAN class=937081118-20062008><FONT face=Sylfaen>Add to that...lack of appetite.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=937081118-20062008><FONT face=Sylfaen>I'm optimistic because this is how I felt the first month we TTC....but then it ended badly.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=937081118-20062008><FONT face=Sylfaen>*chin up*....right?</FONT></SPAN></DIV>The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-70666919503405830722008-06-20T13:53:00.000-04:002008-06-20T13:54:17.844-04:00I'm totally setting myself up for disaster by doing this....<DIV><SPAN class=078385417-20062008><FONT face=Sylfaen>but....</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=078385417-20062008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=078385417-20062008><FONT face=Sylfaen>1 DPO - neausea, uterus twinges</FONT></SPAN></DIV>The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-16777002491134887172008-06-20T10:48:00.001-04:002008-06-20T10:48:45.033-04:00So freaked to even be saying this<DIV><SPAN class=796404614-20062008><FONT face=Sylfaen>....but I'm cautiously optimistic this month. The only reasons are as follows:</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796404614-20062008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796404614-20062008><FONT face=Sylfaen>1) It was my HSG month and the doctor said that there's an increased chance of conceiving this month,</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796404614-20062008><FONT face=Sylfaen>2) Normally I feel absolutely nothing after ovulation, but I've been feeling some poking, tingling and throbbing in my ovarian/uterus area for the past two days.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796404614-20062008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796404614-20062008><FONT face=Sylfaen>It's not much to go on...but it's something a little different. But again, just for the record, I'm CAUTIOUSLY optimistic. I'm mentally preparing myself to not be pregnant and have to move onto next month....when I'll be making good use of those Instead Cups after BDing. Oh...and also...I noticed a tiny bit of tingle in my boobs last night.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796404614-20062008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796404614-20062008><FONT face=Sylfaen>I'm either one or two days past ovulation today.</FONT></SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=796404614-20062008><FONT face=Sylfaen></FONT></SPAN> </DIV>The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-9657849499214216522008-06-18T08:02:00.003-04:002008-06-18T08:06:43.720-04:00I lost my mind this morning. I fell into a fit of rage and crying and throwing things and banging walls and wanting to kill myself.I'm exhausted. I'm mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. I'm tired of platitudes, I'm tired of having hope and then losing it. I'm tired of waiting. Weeks and weeks of waiting. Months and months. I'm exhausted. I want it to stop.<br /><br />We timed everything so perfectly this month. In fact, I stupidly allowed myself to get hopeful because everything just went so fucking perfectly this month. I caught a fade-in pattern on my OPK and we were disciplined and we waited until I had a strong positive on my OPK (testing 3x per day), and we tried two nights ago, even though I was as dry as a desert.<br /><br />And then last night, which was really the night to try (I'm 100% sure I ovulated right before we tried), last night we tried again. This was supposed to be it for us. I had HOPE this month. We tried and, for whatever fucking reason, EVERYTHING came gushing out as soon as my husband pulled out. And he pulled out immediately after finishing. I know that everyone is thinking that it's normal for stuff to spill out. I know that too.<br /><br />BUT EVERYTHING....EVERYTHING came out.<br /><br />And y'know what else? Yesterday I bought the 'instead' cups. I thought I'd try and put one in after sex and leave it there all night. DH actually made fun of me and told me I was losing my mind for wanting to use it. So, embarassed, I didn't use it after sex. I could've scooped everything up and shoved it back in with a cup. But instead I just wiped it away with a towel. There was nothing left in me.<br /><br />And you know what else fucking sucks? This was my HSG month. If there was ever a fucking month to get it fucking right, it was now. You're supposed to be extra fertile this month. This is the month not to fuck up. What is wrong with us? What have I done to deserve this? How could we let this happen? Everything came out. ALL of it. There was so much.<br /><br />This rage this morning....that was all hope leaving me. We're religious people and I'm just ready to give it all up. I'm furious with God. FURIOUS. What the fuck am I building a solid home for? Why am I living my life this way? I always did it so that my children could be raised in a strong home. What children? What's the point now? I want to give it all up. I'm so enranged. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to tell God to fuck off. Yeah? You really think it's better to have some 15 year old pregnant than me, God? Really? Well then maybe I should just stop living my life this way. Obviously it means nothing to you that I try to be good. Obviously you're punishing me for something. So then, y'know what? I might as well have something to be punished for. Fuck you.The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-1917720364261405652008-06-14T23:34:00.003-04:002008-06-14T23:48:47.622-04:00HSG: What a bunch of hype!<div align="justify">Well, that wasn't bad at all. </div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">On Friday morning I went to my RE's office to have the dreaded HSG test (this is the one where they slide a catheter through your cervix and into your uterus and then blow up a ballon and push fluid or bubbles through your tubes to check that they're clear). Anyway, I hadn't mentioned that I was having the test because I was trying not to think about it. I knew that if I read about it online I would probably have LOTS of anxiety about it, so I decided not to read at all. I remembered hearing about how many women say that the test is very painful. I didn't need the gory details, y'know?</div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">Anyway, I arrived at the office at around 8:50 and was quickly ushered into the ultrasound room. My husband was allowed in with me. Excellent. The ultrasound tech (who was VERY nice....just like the last one I had) asked me to take off my pants and underwear and cover myself with a sheet. Everyone there is SO considerate of making sure you're not exposed unnecessarily. It's very nice of them.</div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">Then Dr. C came in a began the procedure. He explained that he would be doing the following:</div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">a) Inserting a speculum, just like a pap test, and then examining me a little,</div><div align="justify">b) Disinfectin my cervix and internal vagina with an iodine solution,</div><div align="justify">c) Inserting a catheter through my cervix and into my uterus, and then inserting the transvaginal ultrasound wand,</div><div align="justify">d) Blowing up a balloon inside my uterus in order to see things better, and then putting some saline solution inside too,</div><div align="justify">e) forcing some air bubbles through my fallopian tubes in order to see if they're clear or blocked.</div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify">By far the worst part of the procedure was the insertion of the speculum and the 'washing' of my cervix. The speculum and washing felt just like a pap which, for some odd reason, is always painful for me. But...here's the weird part. The rest of the procedure didn't hurt! I thought that the insertion of the catheter would be really painful, but I totally didn't feel a thing. Nothing.</div><div align="justify">Once the catheter was inserted I began experiencing some menstrual-like cramps. They felt like the types of cramps I get when I have BAD BAD cramps...but they were far far less intense. Really nothing to get upset about. It was fine.</div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">When the doctor forced bubbles into my tubes it felt SO weird...it felt like....well...like bubbles being forced through my tubes! No pain, just an odd sensation. Again, nothing to get upset about. The best part??.....Hearing that everything was clear :)</div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">The doctor quickly confirmed that everything looked good and that my tubes were wide open. Then he removed the ultrasound wand and told me that, for couples where the woman's tubes are normal, there is a marked increase in fertility for cycles after the HSG procedure. Sweet!</div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">So...that was it. They gave me a pad and told me that I might have some 'leaking' and some 'spotting'. I had neither. I felt fine. I EASILY could've gone back to work right after, but I had already taken the day off (thinking I'd be in lots of pain), so I decided to play hookie. </div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">After the procedure I told my husband that I really wanted to write about it on my blog. I told him that it was important for me to tell my story and let women know that this procedure is not painful for everyone, in spite of what you might read online. The HSG was not painful.</div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">Wish me luck for this cycle!!</div>The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-82988941239955982782008-06-06T14:35:00.001-04:002008-06-06T14:35:51.958-04:00Update<!-- Converted from text/plain format --> <P><FONT face=Sylfaen>Hello everyone (ie. the three people who read my blog)<BR>So…here's an update. And I'm warning you….sorry, I'm going to say some yucky stuff.<BR><BR>AF arrived when I thought it would (CD 27…which means I had a 26 day cycle this month….hmmmm).<BR>Of course, it's not enough that AF arrived, she had to bring her thug cousins with her…cramps and nausea.<BR><BR>Anyway, so I called the fertility clinic to register my day one, and they booked my CD3 bloodwork and my baseline ultrasound and transvaginal ultrasounds (all of which would be performed on the same day……today.<BR><BR>So, this morning I drank the requisite 66 glasses of water (on an empty stomach) and then waited to leave the house and drive to the clinic. Uh oh. Something's not right. I feel very ill. I feel like I have explode…from all bodily orifices. I had thai food last night and it ain't sitting so well. And the fact that I have 2 litres of water in my bladder, crushing against my stomach and intestines isn't helping either. I had to figure out how to have a total #2 attack in the bathroom without emptying my bladder. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT? Do you have any idea how hard it is to have a stomach explosion (of thai food) and NOT pee? Well, I managed it. Anyway, we jumped in the car to drive to the clinic. I was white knuckle gripping the car door the entire ride, so as not to poo in my pants because, as if going to the bathroom twice in one morning wasn't enough…I had to go again. And my bladder was so full I thought I would die.<BR><BR>Anyway, I got to the clinic and told the technician that I was REALLY not feeling well and that I had to empty my bladder immediately or I would throw up. I think that she could tell (based on how pale white I was…and the fact that I was sweating) that I was to be taken seriously. She said "no problem…go to the bathroom and do what you have to do. Try not to completely empty your bladder. But if you do, don't worry, we'll deal with it". With that, I ran to the bathroom, emptied my bladder a bit, had another explosion, and then forced myself to not empty my bladder anymore and go for the ultrasound". I told the technician, who was an absolute doll, that I thought I had managed to keep a bit of pee in my bladder.<BR><BR>The moment she put the ultrasound device on my stomach, she said "Wow…whoa!...you have a VERY VERY full bladder! And you said you even emptied some??" I told her that I have this problem every time I have an ultrasound. They tell you to drink a litre of water one hour prior, but I think that I should drink about half that much. She admitted that, for most people, drinking 2-3 cups is definitely enough to fill their bladder.<BR><BR>She tried to do the ultrasound as quickly as she could - took about 2 minutes - and then she said excitedly "Ok…go to the bathroom!". Ahhh….I felt so much better after that. Next came the internal ultrasound. Given that this is CD2 for me…you can just imagine how worried I was about grossly messing up the table, the equipment, etc. I have to be honest…not half as bad as I thought. I quickly disrobed, she put a cover on me and then started the examination. Everything looked fine (according to my untrained eye). My uterus looked empty (which is good because I didn't want to see any large masses inside of it or something), my ovaries were there (phew) and had these big black dots all over them. I was scared that these were cysts, but she assured me that they were just follicles and that they were supposed to be there!<BR><BR>Then, she removed the 'device', rubbed my knees and said "ok…are you ok? You're done". And that was it? I left the room, got dressed, had another 6 viles of blood drawn, and then headed to work with DH, who was sweet enough to accompany me for moral support.</FONT><BR></P>The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-60906280911771172902008-06-03T08:00:00.002-04:002008-06-03T08:10:55.915-04:00Another month gone byI know that, technically, the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">show's</span> not over 'til the fat lady sings, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">but I'm</span> pretty sure that AF is just around the corner. I think I'm up to 4 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">BFNs</span> now....and with some good quality tests...not just the $0.05 tests.<br /><br />I feel like I'm going to <em>crack</em>. I know I shouldn't feel this way. I know that I should have hope. I look at women who have been trying for years without success and I marvel at how they've maintained their sanity. I have no doubt that they, like me, cry all the time. But just the fact that they're still there, on the message boards, crossing their fingers and sending 'baby dust' every month, just blows me away. I'm in awe.<br /><br />I had a lot of hope this month....even though I outwardly said, from CD15, that I wasn't going to get pregnant this month. I felt ovulation so much...from both sides!...And I really thought I could be that girl who got pregnant as soon as her thyroid was regulated. I thought I could be that girl who, after a valiant struggle to have get pregnant, had her baby on Valentine's Day (the day I would've been due, if it had worked this month).<br /><br />Mostly, I'm just tired of living my life feeling like I'm about to crack and have a breakdown. I've been putting off speaking with a councillor, but mostly because the one I want only sees patients from, like, noon 'til 2pm every day (oh...and on Saturday mornings)....a fat <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">lotta</span> good that does me. Between blood tests and doctors appointments, I'm already missing so much work that my once understanding boss has started raising his eyebrow every time I announce that I'm going to just be a bit late to work (or a bit late getting back from lunch.....or leaving work early for the day) because of a doctor's appointment. When I do return to work, I make sure to display my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">bandaid</span> and cotton ball in the crease of my arm, in the hopes that he'll believe me, instead of thinking that I'm just playing <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">hookie</span>. Anyway, the point is that I cannot afford to take any more time off work. When these councillors open their practices, don't they think to themselves "Gee....maybe having appointments outside of business hours would be good for patients?"<br /><br />Anyway, my husband is getting on my case about this. He thinks that seeing a councillor should be priority number one....work be damned. Of course he's right, but it's just not that easy. I'm going to keep looking around and seeing if I can find someone downtown who I could see over lunch. It's long over due. I spent the better part of the weekend (and almost the whole of <em>both</em> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">saturday</span> and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">sunday</span> nights) sobbing. This morning isn't going much better.<br /><br />Most of it is probably due to the fact that I know about 4 people who are THIS close to giving birth (complete with hourly updates on their situations on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">facebook</span>). I'm so jealous.<br /><br />More to come later...for now i have to run to work.The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-41663160568919231272008-05-29T22:19:00.003-04:002008-05-29T22:41:20.028-04:00<div align="justify">Sorry it's been so long. I don't have good news or bad. Just...the same.</div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify">As some of you may know, this was my first cycle with a normal range TSH. I ovulated early...and I had TONS of very painful ovulation pain. Both ovaries felt raw and bruised for two days solid (and this was the same time as I had tons and tons of EWCM). Hubby and I did our best with what time we had. We 'tried', a couple days before ovulation, both days of positive ovulation tests, and then one or two days after that. </div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify">I was quite hopeful for a few days this cycle. I really thought that the painful ovulation was sign that, now that my thyroid has been regulated, I was finally ovulating for the first time in a while. I thought that I might even have some weird ovulation where I ovulate from both ovaries and...end up with twins! Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?</div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify">Anyway, I haven't felt very much since ovulation. Only a few notable things. I am now on 8dpo and for the past two days, I've had lots of gas and bloating. I've had some very very very minor and mild twinges and cramps the last couple days, and I've noticed that my boobs are totally not sore. Now, normally the boob thing would get me excited, but the truth is that I've looked at my charts for the past few months, and my boobs usually get sore around CD 22 (which will be around two days from now).</div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify">Oh...and update...as I was writing this my mother called. She asked me about 'things', and I mentioned in passing that I probably wouldn't be pregnant this month. She gave this totally condescending chuckle and said "oh...I don't know if you know this but you can't tell for the first month or longer. You won't feel anything". Yeah...that's right....except that first month, when I had a miscarriage, I felt everything. I knew...I knew from the day after we conceived. I just knew. And I felt it. Not subtly either...Very obviously.</div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify">Look, I'm not denying that I still have a chance at being pregnant this month. I know I do. If I didn't think so, then I wouldn't keep testing. But I just feel that, when I actually do end up getting pregnant, it'll feel like it did the first time. I'll feel tired, I'll feel heaviness in my uterus, I'll "just know"....and I'll dream about it, just like I did that first month.</div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify">I'm having a hard time dealing with my mother. She's just so full of platitudes and old wives advice. I cannot mask my disappointment when we speak. I get annoyed. I wish I didn't, but there's no one Ispeak to who is worse at making me feel better. I don't know why. I guess it's that everyone else can accept that I get down. They understand and don't get upset when I'm not cheerful. But my mom just seems to get annoyed when I display anything but cheerfulness, hope and complete faith in God that this is really really good for me. It's NOT.</div><div align="justify"> </div>The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-51384969883750486602008-05-20T22:34:00.007-04:002008-05-21T08:00:47.351-04:00Ok...well, that's done,<div align="justify">So, DH and I had our appointment today and I still can't decide how I feel about it.<br /><br />First off, the doctor: Dr. C is obviously an expert in his field. He peppers his speech with references to recent and old medical studies, and doesn't hesitate for a second as he's offering his advice.<br /><br />I should note that DH and I know Dr. C on a personal level, so he may have treated us differently than he normally treats his patients. I don't know. It's possible. For one thing, he didn't yell at me for being fat. It was absolutely brutal when he asked me for my height and weight in front of my husband. I'm surprised DH's jaw didn't drop, because every time he has guessed my weight in the passed, he's underestimated by at least 30 pounds. Today must've been quite a gross shock for him.<br /><br />Anyway, back to Dr. C. He just looked at me and said "Ok..you know that this can contribute to your infertility. I've seen you power walking in our neighbourhood, but you need to do more". That was about it. He wasn't so bad about it.<br /><br />Now, as for what he said about us, he suggested a few things:<br />1) He said that it's totally possible that we're just one of those perfectly healthy, normal couples who, for some reason, take a heck of a long time to get pregnant. He said "you might just be on that part of bell curve where it takes a healthy couple a year or more to get pregantn".<br /><br />2) It could be a problem with DH's sperm. DH had a sperm test and, with the exception of a couple of borderline numbers, almost everything came out normal. Dr. C said that, to him, the test looked "just fine. Normal".<br /><br />3) Or it could be an ovulation problem. He said that since I have such regular menstrual periods, he doesn't think that I have an ovulation problem. Instead, he assumes that our fertility issues have been caused by my thyroid which, probably, just squewed my hormones every so slightly....but enough to cause a lack of conception.<br /><br />He recommended a couple of tests for me: 1) a baseline ultrasound (trans-vaginal), which will check for ovarian cysts and uterine lining issues, and 2) a special test to check my fallopian tubes and make sure they're clear. I've heard that this second test is excruciatingly painful. I told him that I'd rather hold off for a couple months before booking that.<br /><br />If we don't get pregnant this month, I'll have a whole WHACK of tests to do next month: blood tests, ultrasounds, etc.<br /><br />Hubby also mentioned my extreme depression/anxiety, and Dr. C recommended that I see the councillor in his clinic. I'm definitely going to book that appointment tomorrow.<br /><br />Anyway, here's some more important information:<br />When Dr. C examined me (basically he did a pap), he took a one second look at my privates and said "Whoa...you're about to ovulate! Keep your husband nearby!". I said "uhhh...how do you know that?" and he said "You have tons of healthy cervical mucus here". I also mentioned that I had been having some serious ovary soreness. He didn't have anything to say about that. But it seemed, given the ovary pains, and the EWCM, that I must be close to ovulating (even though I'm only on CD11).<br /><br />Later today, I took an OPK test, and it came back positive. How can this be?? I don't understand how I can be ovulating so early? I'm scared that we're, once again, front-loading our sex efforts. We have a bad track record of having tons of sex early in my fertile phase, and then not having the stamina to continue through my ovulation time.<br /><br />Anyway, DH and I will be BDing tonight and tomorrow and, hopefully, I'll get pregnant. Nothing more to say than that.</div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"><strong>UPDATE: </strong>Oh... I forgot to mention the funny part of the appointment. DH accompanied me to the examination room after our consult with Dr. C in his office. When Dr. C walked in, DH said "Ok...I think maybe I should wait outside". Dr. C said, "Well, I actually need you here because I want to examine you too". (Keep in mind, we're personal friends/acquaintances with Dr. C). Dr. C then looked at DH and said "I'll need to check your family jewels. Could you please drop your pants so I can squeeze your testicles?"</div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">I thought poor hubby would die of embarassment. He was so nervous that he just started speaking at a hundred miles an hour, saying 'oh...sure, here you go' (as he casually whipped out his schlong). I almost busted up laughing.</div>The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-66732563149033330692008-05-19T20:33:00.002-04:002008-05-19T20:45:26.247-04:00Sorry for the absence!I know, I know...I'm lucky if any of you are still reading because I've completely neglected my blog. I do have some good reasons, though...<br /><br />1) My family (parents, grandmother and great-aunt) came to visit us for the long weekend. I know that you're probably thinking it was a total drag, but they're actually a lot of fun and we had a terrific time with them!<br /><br />2)I've been trying to think about how to tell you all that my thyroid seems to be...perfect! I am so proud of myself. I know, I know, all I did was take a pill every day, but consider the following: First off, it takes most people who have only slightly hypothyroids, nearly 6 months to a year to fix them. I was so firm with my doctor and so aggressive with my treatment, that I manged to get my TSH from >100 to a normal range in 7 weeks. Also, I've been meticulous in taking my medication, which isn't easy because it involves not eating for 2 hours after I've taken the pill (first thing in the morning), and not having any dairy for at least 4 hours after taking it. I've really had to adjust my life a little to accommodate these rules.<br /><br />Anyway, today marks our first really TTC attempt in slightly over 2 months. I'm thrilled and nervous to be back in the game. I've read so many exciting success stories about people who, after finding out they were hypothyroid, have fallen pregnant as SOON as they got their TSH into the normal range. While I want to keep a realistic outlook, I have to admit that I have a little twinge of hope that I'll be one of those cases. Of course, falling pregnant immediately would bring about some concern about miscarriage due to a fluctuating TSH. Anyway, I'm really trying to not hope too hard about falling pregnant right away, but I'm still trying to keep a really positive outlook.<br /><br />I'm nervous, because I know that, as we re-start TTC again, I'm possibly setting myself up for the pain and heartache that I experienced in all the previous months while TTC. There wasn't so much sadness this month when I got my period because we weren't really trying. But now, we are trying again, and I've got real hope that's available to to be shattered in about 2 weeks from now.<br /><br />Wish me luck!!The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-13793370910126852542008-05-11T20:43:00.003-04:002008-05-11T20:52:44.161-04:00Down and out...That's what I was today....down and out. DH and I went to the tulip festival, which I had never seen before, and which was <em>lovely</em>. It started out well enough, with colourful flowers, the international pavillion - with its various ethnic culinary delights and crafts - and it ended with some great photography (compliments of <em>moi</em>. So, what possibly could have brought me down? How about the fact that <strong><em>everyone</em></strong> was pregnant. Everyone.<br /><br />Young women, older women, single women, married women, fat women, thin women, elegant women, shlumpy women, women with small children, women with older children, women who clearly had no other children, and girls who were far to young to be pregnant. E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E.<br /><br />GRRRRRR. Is there something in the water? Am I missing something? Why not me?<br /><br />And, to make matters worse, every step I took was accompanied by a disgusting "ssshhhhllluuurrrmmmppphhh" sound because of the veritable waterfall flowing between my short an stubby legs. I have my period. BIG TIME. I felt like I had wet my pants. It was so gross. I hate being out on hot summer days when I have my period.<br /><br />On another note, I'm starting yoga tomorrow. Hoping it will help me relax and fend off this horrendous depression that leaves me in tears on a daily basis.The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-65662754974539397852008-05-07T21:31:00.009-04:002008-05-08T17:30:25.758-04:00All things pregnancy-related<div align="justify">So...I've noticed a theme.<br /><br /><p>When DH asked me last week what movie I wanted to see (same question my mom had asked me earlier), the only one I really wanted to see was "Baby Momma" (see below). </div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></p><p>And I also have a TV in my cubicle at work because I'm in a field where I'm supposed to keep up on current events 24/7. Yeah whatever.</p> <p>Anyway, turns out that the TV in my cubicle has <em>cable</em>. I only have one channel at home, so cable TV at work makes it ridiculously hard to focus. </div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></p><p>Anyway, since I haven't had any work to do for, oh, about 8 months (seriously...that's why I want to leave), I've been watching a lot of TLC. And y'know what show runs on a freaking loop? "Bringing baby home". Yeah...that show where a bunch of yuppies who have NO idea of how to care for a baby, actually give birth to their first child and then take it home for, what they seem to feel is, the dreaded "first 36 hours of life", when they demonstrate how awkward they are with their baby and how they have to rely on a bunch of books to figure out how to hold the baby, how to touch the baby, how to talk to the baby, etc.</p></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"><p>It makes me so annoyed, because I can walk into any room and just pick up a baby and be 100% natural and comfortable with a baby. Seriously. Several people have commented on how I'm the most natural person with a baby, and they can't believe I don't have any of my own. Anyway, suffice it to say that it's probably not healthy for me to be watching that shit. It's not making me happier.</p><br />Ok, anyway, to continue with the 'pregnancy' theme, I should also tell you that unny is away on business tonight, so to pass the time I decided to rent a movie...and what did I rent?....Juno...<br /><br />Yeah...that movie about that very fertile 16 year old. I enjoyed the movie thoroughly, although the infertile couple who is supposed to adopt Juno's baby was <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">frightening</span> to me...but only because I FEAR becoming like the wife. I'm so worried that DH won't be able to handle my baby-obsessiveness forever.<br /><br />On a completely unrelated note (well, not COMPLETELY unrelated note...'cause it still has to do with my not being able to get pregnant), I've been receiving acupuncture treatment for some unhealed sprained ankles, and I suddenly wondered if I should consider it for fertility.<br /><br />I've actually reached that point. I mean, several months ago, after the second month that I didn't get pregnant, I was reading on baby and bump about all these infertile women who have regular acupuncture sessions to try and help them conceive. And I thought "Whoa...scary. Those <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">chicks'll</span> try <em>anything</em> to get pregnant". And. Now. Here I am. This whole <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">TTC</span> thing has been one big exercise in eating my words.</div>The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-74590539351012437142008-05-06T15:57:00.000-04:002008-05-06T15:58:15.894-04:00There IS a GodHoly f*ck!!!<br>You guys will NOT....NOT believe this. Ok. Go and read the post right<br>below this one, then come back and read this.<p>Ok...would you believe that less than 5 minutes after I posted that last<br>post, I got a job offer from an organization I've been dying to work<br>for?????<p>YES YES YES YES YES!!!The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-63234249806536574412008-05-06T15:48:00.002-04:002008-05-06T18:27:13.266-04:00Big BIG frustrations<div align="justify">Do you know what one of the biggest frustrations is for me regarding not being able to get pregnant? </div><p align="justify">The fact that I've been consoling myself for the past 9 months with the thought that I wouldn't have to stay in this f**king job much longer because "I'm about to get pregnant, and then there'll be a light at the end of the tunnel". </p><p align="justify">With each and ever passing month, and each and every passing period, my job situation gets more and more frustrating. This place...this office in which I work, is falling apart. Everyone is always upset, everyone is looking for new jobs, everyone is starting to hate each other, and no<br />one is acting professionally or cordially anymore. And I'm stuck here. </p><p align="justify">I cannot delude myself anymore. The truth is that I can no longer use my 'imminent' pregnancy as an excuse to "not let these office politics get to me". The truth is that they DO get to me...and I may have to be here for a long while longer.</p>The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-50504727943345783742008-05-05T22:28:00.002-04:002008-05-05T22:37:25.373-04:00BBQ<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Ahhh</span>...tonight was nice. I wasn't depressed even once. My mind was occupied because we had a few friends over for a BBQ (our first of the summer!). We hadn't seen these friends in a little while, so it was nice to catch up. And they have this cute little new puppy that they brought along. Very adorable.<br /><br />Anyway, it wasn't until they left that the wheels in my head started spinning down the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">TTC</span>/infertility path. Ugh. But, I have to be thankful. At least from the house of 4:30 - 9:30pm, my mind was free from the torture of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">TTC</span>-related depression.<br /><br />Speaking of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">TTC</span>-related depression, I'm seriously considering asking the RE for a referral to the psychiatrist in his clinic, when I go to see him on May 20<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">th</span>. I cried so much and so hard yesterday (and the day before that), that I just can't imagine not being considered at least moderately depressed. Then, I started reading the "<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Conquering</span> Infertility" book that I've mentioned a few times in my blog, and it listed some 'risk factors' for mild and severe depression. Unfortunately, I came up with enough of the factors to be "severely depressed". And yesterday...I definitely felt it. I almost drowned in the tears that wouldn't absorb into my already drenched pillow.<br /><br />Oh...and one more thing. I had two "When are you getting pregnant?" incidents at work this afternoon. Two people, who haven't got a clue that I''m <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">TTC</span>, just flat out asked me "So..when are you getting pregnant?", to which I expertly shrugged my shoulders and with a big smile said "I dunno! We'll see!" (even though I was secretly dying inside). I'm getting good at that response and reaction. I hate that fact.The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-14239587026407170632008-05-04T19:49:00.006-04:002008-05-04T21:16:20.208-04:00Crying<div align="justify">I've been doing a lot of crying lately. And <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">y'know</span> what's weird about it? That I feel fine and dandy and then all of the sudden, I just fall into a complete funk and start crying about not being pregnant. I think it might be PMS-related. I'm on CD23 today, which means my period is exactly one week away. Either that...or pregnancy related emotional changes. HIGHLY unlikely. But I can hope, right? Of course I can...and then I can be crushed, just like all the other months. Sigh.. </div><div align="justify"><br /></div><div align="justify">I went out a bought the "Conquering Infertility" book today (or, as the guy from Chapters who was searching for the book for DH spelled it "Conquering <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">INFURTILITY</span>"). I'm REALLY hoping that this book helps me get out of this rut. I simply can't imagine surviving another year of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">TTC</span> in this state. I think I'd die of depression in the mean time. I honestly don't know how some women do it. They try, unsuccessfully for 2, 3, 4, 5 or more years...and nothing. I don't know how they survive it. It would fundamentally change who I was. I would be a shadow of myself. I would lose my identity. I would be nothing more than than a hormonal machine, operating on two week cycles of hope and despair. I would die.</div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">I pray. I PRAY that it doesn't come to that. I just don't know how I would handle it. </div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">My mother calls me every day and seems to want to make me cry. Even on the days when I'm feeling fine, she asks me "How are you feeling...<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">y'know</span>...<em>mentally?". </em>I usually lie and said "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Y'know</span>..fine, I guess....nothing new. I'm fine". And then she launches into the <em>same </em>speech every day about how I have to have hope, and how there's "<em>just no way you'll end up childless"</em>. She then reminds me that she's praying for me, and that there's absolutely no reason for me to think that I'm infertile. This hypothyroidism is just a small set back, and that I need to learn that life is full of set backs. In fact, she wants to sit me down next time I'm in town visiting her, to tell me all about all the set backs her and my father faced through life (yeah, that ought to make me feel all better). </div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">She asks me all sorts of questions that seem to be attempting to draw sobs out of me. So, today I just said "Look....I'm in a shopping mall trying on dresses. I was doing fine and now I'm on the verge of tears. <u>Must</u> we do this <em>every day?</em> Do I have to cry <em>all the time?</em> You seem <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">to </span>make me cry about this every time we chat, and then you end the conversation by saying "Gosh... I just can't believe how emotional you are about this. It's making me so sad. I can barely sleep at night knowing that you're in this state!"</div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">I love her and all...but my <em>gosh!!</em> Sometimes it's a little too much. I know, with all my heart, that she wants the best for me. I know that she thinks she's making it better for me, but I'm not sure if it's helping. I just know that I usually cry a lot after our phone calls.</div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">How do you guys deal with infertility/<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">TTC</span> stuff? Do you have frequent breakdowns? I'd love to hear that I'm normal. Let me know if you're like me!</div>The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-27066754184893758282008-05-02T19:06:00.003-04:002008-05-02T19:11:09.337-04:00GREAT advice!***NEWS ALERT NEWS ALERT***<br /><br />I just got off the phone with my mother, who had returned from her doctor's appointment, with an arm load of fertility advice for me. Chief among the smartest tidbits:<br /><em>Just relax and let it happen. Stress will make you infertile. The more you stress, the longer it will take you to conceive. Just RELAX and before you know it, you'll have your arms full of babies!</em><br /><br />I felt that I had moral responsibility to share this brand spanking new fertility advice.<br /><br />Now go. Relax.The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-80455808895505539272008-05-01T22:53:00.005-04:002008-05-02T07:14:55.772-04:00Sorry I haven't been posting so much latelyI've been having a couple of rough days. Mostly I just start crying and getting upset about not being pregnant. There's <a href="http://www.enotalone.com/article/5315.html">a book out that I think I might need to buy</a>. It's by a doctor who writes about how to conquer infertility (in the emotional sense, I think). I read a synopsis of the book, and it was freightening how typical I am. All the bloody thoughts that run through my head, all my fears, all my sobfests, all the issues I'm internalizing...It's just so typical. So much so, that it's all written about in this book. <br /><br />For any of my readers who are feeling the emotional toll of infertility or simply the inability to conceive at the drop of a hat, I'm going to recommend this book, even before having read it.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht7DewEAeHXE8Ft_9KFq5N4qp1OBp3dzwLR_XwKTvvys9ipgUD2CQT-HNOLq4M6bw6StXs7r5l7Ma4cWueihGYhHd5Tg0WnccTH1SGR8tpoH3NO4aOFUqDcrKiNVX1DqHDaKWHRSfPxvNV/s1600-h/conquering+infertility+book.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht7DewEAeHXE8Ft_9KFq5N4qp1OBp3dzwLR_XwKTvvys9ipgUD2CQT-HNOLq4M6bw6StXs7r5l7Ma4cWueihGYhHd5Tg0WnccTH1SGR8tpoH3NO4aOFUqDcrKiNVX1DqHDaKWHRSfPxvNV/s320/conquering+infertility+book.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5195610012974690034" /></a>The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-68278338900608763662008-04-29T21:18:00.001-04:002008-04-29T21:18:57.456-04:00Baby Mama -- Official Theatrical Trailer<div xmlns='http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml'><p><object height='350' width='425'><param value='http://youtube.com/v/DU34zV9A3gU' name='movie'/><embed height='350' width='425' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' src='http://youtube.com/v/DU34zV9A3gU'/></object></p><p>Boy, do I wanna see this movie. The trailer is just so funny...and not even because of how I can relate to a couple of the TTC elements...but just because it's funny, stupid and exactly the kind of film I need to see.<br />I had a really down day today. I had been feeling so good for a couple weeks, but then today I just spiraled down into a really depressed afternoon. I cried on the phone to my mom, who recommended that I go to the movies to make myself feel better.<br />She asked "Is there any particular movie that you've been wanting to see?" and I sobbed "Yes...it's called "Baby Mama""<br />And she said "Ok..what's that about? Will it make you feel better?"<br />And I said "It's about a woman who can't conceive".<br />It was one of those funny "you-had-to-be-there" kind of moments.</p></div>The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8954948400939393811.post-26264608857734669842008-04-29T20:44:00.002-04:002008-04-29T20:50:31.828-04:00Whoa!Hello people!<br />I cannot believe how many hits I've gotten from my post about Vicki Saporta's anti-Bill C484 editorial. Who knew anyone was reading??<br /><br />I would like to apologize for all the expletives in the post. Really, I know it made many people uncomfortable, and I'll definitely keep that in mind for future posts, but it just so clearly demonstrated how I was feeling at the time.<br /><br />Anyway, I just wanted to say hello to all the readers and I wanted to THANK YOU so so much for actually taking the time to read the post! What's more, is that I wanted to doubly thank you for sticking with the post and reading the post in spite of the terrible formatting. Every few days blogger goes through this problem where it doesn't allow you to put any lines between your paragraphs! It's just awful. So, thank you for reading the incredibly long post in spite of all that.<br /><br />I really hope that I can keep writing interesting, thought provoking material like that. And please, please, let me know what you think in the comments -good or bad! I just live for comments :)The Impatient Patienthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17504325646824451848noreply@blogger.com2