Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Still pregnant! Very very pregnant!!

YES! Well everyone, I got my beta hcg results back last night, and it
turns out that, not only am I still pregnant, but that my numbers are
rising ever so quickly.

On Friday they measured 750, and Monday morning's results were nearly
3000!!! My husband's cousin, who is a fertility specialist, gave me the
results and said "You need to think about the possibility of more than
one baby in there". Yay!...I mean, I honestly think that there's only
one in there (and, I'll say right now that I honestly think it's a boy),
but it's fun to think that it's even a possibility!

Nausea returned this morning. It was a weird famished/pukey feeling. I
felt sick because I was so hungry...but felt so sick that I didn't want
to eat. Anyway, it quickly passed. Morning sickness hasn't been too bad
yet. I'm anticipating some more in about a week or two.

I've scheduled my first ultrasoun for July 22nd. I'll be exactly 7 weeks
along. And based on my beta results, I'm expecting that I might even be
able to see a nice, strong heartbeat. Maybe I can hear it too!!

I've also scheduled my first major prenatal appointment with my GP. It's
going to take place on July 30th. She's already requisitioned TONS of
bloodwork for me, which I'll get done in about two weeks, and she
started me on a new thyroid medication and dose. As soon as I got
pregnant, my thyroid went bananas!! (which explains the hot flashes I've
been having all day!)

Anyway, I'm just so grateful that everything seems ok. I love being
pregnant. I wish I felt more pregnant....even if that means feeling
sick. I walk around the mall at my lunch hour and I have this extra skip
in my step. I'm SO happy to be pregnant. I can't wait to see our little
peanut at our first scan. I'll definitely post pictures!!!

Friday, July 4, 2008

Stupid Stupid Doctor

Y'all know what I think of most doctors, right? I mean, not all doctors, but most of them. I think they are highly incompetent monkeys who've just memorized medical textbooks and apply their "knowledge" without really taking your personal situation into account.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I had the unfortunate need to see a doctor yesterday. I woke up in the morning and freaked out because I had lost all my pregnancy symptoms overnight. I was certain that something was wrong. In fact, I flat out cried to my husband "I'm not pregnant anymore. I think it's over". That's how certain I felt. It's a woman's intuition thing I guess.
Anyway, after much frantic decision-making, I decided that I had to be straight with my boss and tell him exactly what was going on so that he's know why I needed to just take some time off work. I told him and, as expected, he was quite supportive. He told me to go to a walk-in clinic immediately.
I got to the walk-in clinic. Their website claimed that the current wait-time at the clinic was 40 minutes. After two hours of waiting (in a seat next two a homeless guy and some other guy with Tourrette's who kept yelling "VAGINAL"), I finally got called in by the nurse. The nurse asked me about what happened, I explained everything to her clearly. I explained that my symptoms (nausea, breast tenderness, fatigue, and general 'pregnant feeling') had suddenly completely disappeared. I told her that I really didn't feel pregnant anymore. She then asked me for a urine sample.
Ten minutes after the nurse dipped the urine sample, the idiot doctor walked in and said "Good news! There's a second line, so you're definitely not having a miscarriage". I was stunned. How could a medical professional be so fucking stupid? Didn't he know anything?? Didn't he know that, even if a miscarriage had occured, the test would be positive for days still...maybe even a week or longer. Shortly before my appointment, my husband's cousin, who is a fertility specialist, told me to ask the doctor to check my progesterone levels as well. When I asked him to include it on the requisition for blood work that he was going to write up for me, he said...I swear this is what he said "I don't know how to interpret progesterone results, so there's no point in including them".  AHHHH
Then after that, he asked me why I was so nervous. I explained to him, yet again, how all my symptoms had suddenly disappeared. His response was this "Well...if you just got a positive pregnancy test on Sunday, Dear, you can't expect to feel your baby kicking already!!"
I was stunned and horrified. Was this a joke? This man was actually supposed to be trusted with my health and well-being?
I finally got him to give me a requisition for hcg test and progesterone test. I insisted that he copy my husband's cousin on the results, that way she could tell me what they were, rather than the shit-for-brains asshole from the clinic. His name is Dr. "McM**on" (I'll leave a couple letters out for liability purposes....stupid ass) and he works at the Appletree medical clinic on Slater St. in downtown Ottawa.
This morning I went to take the blood test. I'm supposed to have the test repeated on Monday morning. I'm seeing my doctor on Monday afternoon, so I'm hoping to know something by then. More likely, though, I won't know anything until Tuesday....unless I start bleeding, at which point I won't need lab results to confirm anything.
As for my emotional status, I'm pretty crushed, as you can imagine. I actually am handling it way better than I would've expected, though. I think that I've read SO SO SO many hundreds of stories of women who've had miscarriages and then gone on to have healthy pregnancies later, has made me realize that it's almost required. I know that's so stupid to say, but I'm just convinced now that it's very common and even normal for a first time pregnancy. It doesn't make it much easier, but I'm trying to kid myself into not breaking down.
I also recognize that, as with TTC, the show's not over 'til the fat lady sings. Until I have blood or lab work confirmation to confirm what I 99% believe to be true, then it's not over. I still treat my body as if it's holding my precious baby.
And here's the bright side. I found out I was pregnant exactly four days after getting my first normal thyroid blood test results. I totally know that it could've been a fluke. After so many months of trying to conceive, maybe it was just my time and had nothing to do with my thyroid. But, more likely, as soon as my thyroid was balanced, I was able to get pregnant...and I did. I managed to conceive, get a positive pregnancy test and hold this pregnancy at least for a few days. I think I can do it again. I hope so.
I don't know what to do right now. I guess there's nothing to do but wait. So I'll wait.

Expecting the worst

I think I might be miscarrying.

If the laws of woman's intuition apply to pregnancy, then...I think definitely.

A few days ago I had every symptom in the book: Sore breasts, morning sickness, fatigue, heavy feeling in my uterus, and a general sense that "I'm pregnant". My husband and I were out for a stroll when I felt a mild cramp. Within 15 minutes, I commented on how my symptoms had completely disappered....and pretty suddenly too. By the next morning, I woke up feeling nothing. Nothing at all. No nausea, no sore breasts. I felt like I did when I was TTC. No pregnant feeling whatsoever.

This led me to freak out...and then have to engage Canada's fucking mess of a medical system. i'll write more about this fucking ordeal later.

Anyway, this morning I woke up again feeling nothing other than some mild menstrual-like cramps. I'm going for an hcg test this morning....and another on Monday. I'm expecting to know what's going on by Mondayl. Fuck...I thought once i was pregnant, all this awful waiting would be over. Apparently not.

Pray for me!