Ahhh...tonight was nice. I wasn't depressed even once. My mind was occupied because we had a few friends over for a BBQ (our first of the summer!). We hadn't seen these friends in a little while, so it was nice to catch up. And they have this cute little new puppy that they brought along. Very adorable.
Anyway, it wasn't until they left that the wheels in my head started spinning down the TTC/infertility path. Ugh. But, I have to be thankful. At least from the house of 4:30 - 9:30pm, my mind was free from the torture of TTC-related depression.
Speaking of TTC-related depression, I'm seriously considering asking the RE for a referral to the psychiatrist in his clinic, when I go to see him on May 20th. I cried so much and so hard yesterday (and the day before that), that I just can't imagine not being considered at least moderately depressed. Then, I started reading the "Conquering Infertility" book that I've mentioned a few times in my blog, and it listed some 'risk factors' for mild and severe depression. Unfortunately, I came up with enough of the factors to be "severely depressed". And yesterday...I definitely felt it. I almost drowned in the tears that wouldn't absorb into my already drenched pillow.
Oh...and one more thing. I had two "When are you getting pregnant?" incidents at work this afternoon. Two people, who haven't got a clue that I''m TTC, just flat out asked me "So..when are you getting pregnant?", to which I expertly shrugged my shoulders and with a big smile said "I dunno! We'll see!" (even though I was secretly dying inside). I'm getting good at that response and reaction. I hate that fact.
1 comment:
Oh my gosh, I would definitely see someone. I'm sorry you have to struggle with TTC. It's not a problem I have had, but might I recommend another blogger who did deal with it?
http://ennorath.typepad.com/arwens_blog/
She finally did end up having a baby, but dealt with many of the same emotions you seem to be going through before finally getting pregnant.
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